3 Ways To Celebrate Valentine’s Day As A Widow
It is almost Valentine’s Day. I know this can be a struggling time for widows and widowers. If you’re dreading Valentine’s Day, that is totally understandable. What I don’t want to see happen is you, sitting at home, miserable, thinking about this holiday, thinking about happy couples doing romantic things and you’re stuck at home, filled with sadness and hurt.
Let’s not make this a day of suffering.
Instead, let’s think about today as a day to treat yourself.
Here are 3 ways to treat yourself on this Valentine’s Day:
1. Do something you’ve never done before.
Do something out of the box, not your typical Valentine’s Day celebration.
Why?
Because you can.
You can do anything you want today.
Think about that.
What do you want to do? If the thought of sitting around, not doing anything, just thinking about Valentine’s Day and how you’re not with your husband anymore, don’t do that. Get out of the house. Do something that will bring your attention to the present moment so that you’re not pulled back into the past and you’re not worrying about the future.
I’ll give you an example of this, something that I did.
Two years after my husband was killed, I found myself deep in sadness and loss. The second year, oof. That was definitely worse for me, as the numbness had worn off and I was feeling some pretty intense grief resurfacing, especially around Valentine’s days. I said “I can’t be home. I don’t want to be home.” I also didn’t want to be out at a restaurant or anything even for lunch, I didn’t want to see other couples, so any food place was absolutely out of the question.
I made a plan. I got some friends together. There was a group of about 5 of us. We hired a boat and a driver and we went wakeboarding.
If you’re not familiar with wakeboarding, it’s a combination of snowboarding, surfing, and waterskiing. Your feet are strapped to a wakeboard. The boat pulls you, fast, as you try to cross over the wake behind the boat, performing tricks and aerial maneuvers. Now, tricks and aerial maneuvers were not part of my plan!
All I wanted was to stay up, stay standing, and not face-plant on the water. That was my goal. How did I do?
Well, pretty good, I must say.
I actually didn’t faceplant. I stayed up. I was terrified. But I was also having a blast. My friends in the boat were all cheering me on as I went. It was amazing. It was completely different than any way I would have spent a Valentine’s Day and I was so thankful that I did that. I was 100% focused in the moment, trying not to fall, having funIt didn’t feel like Valentine’s Day which is exactly what I wanted!
I got home that day, exhausted, happy, sore muscles and all, not even thinking about the fact that I’m a widow and it was Valentine’s Day.
Do something different.
Get out of the house.
Do something brave. Be a little crazy, even!
Try to have some fun.
Other related resources: https://www.widow180.com/resources/valentine
2. Buy yourself some fresh flowers.
Hear me out, okay! There’s a widow in our community who was telling me that she had chosen her word of the year. Her word for this year was “BLOOM”.
Beautiful, right? She also said that she made a promise to herself that she was going to keep fresh flowers in her house year -round this year to remind herself of her word “bloom” AND because flowers always make her happy.
How lovely!
Treat yourself this week. Not just because fresh flowers are pretty, but that there is science backed evidence that this is good for you. And because I’m such a nerd, I want share some statistics that I read about this, some fun facts that I would like to share about why you should do this.
Because scientific research shows that there are so many benefits of having fresh flowers in your house.
Some of the benefits of fresh flowers are:
They help boost your energy. According to a joint study by Harvard University and Massachusetts General Hospital, having flowers in the home can give you an early morning boost and leave you feeling energized for the rest of the day. Researchers picked participants who confessed they struggled to feel positive or proactive first thing. Yet, after living in a home with fresh flowers, they revealed they felt much more energetic from sunrise to sunset.
Flowers help reduce stress. I know that it’s tempting to reach for a nice glass of wine, but instead, why not try to alleviate all that stress with some strategically positioned vases of flowers instead. According to a 2018 study by the University of North Florida, it only took a few days of having flowers in their home for participants to notice a significant improvement in their stress levels.
The study "The Impact of Flowers on Perceived Stress Among Women" pointed to contact with nature as a key component in helping combat stress. Lead researcher Erin Largo-Wight, Ph.D., shared, "Adding flowers to reduce stress does not require tremendous effort to generate a meaningful effect. When life seems to be in a constant state of frenzy, flowers can provide us with a much-needed moment of calm." Roses and sunflowers are all good for alleviating stress, but jasmine and lavender are the true powerhouse performers. A vase in the bedroom can help lower heart rate and encourage sleep.
Flowers and plants can help purify the air and create a healthier environment. A study carried out by NASA in the late 1980s demonstrated that certain plants and flowers could eradicate common household chemicals from the environment.
And lastly, flowers make you happy!
A pretty flower bouquet with bright colors and a soothing scent can brighten a room and your mood at the same time.
A Rutgers University study found that the link between flowers and your satisfaction with life is far more important than previously thought. In fact, the study said, “The presence of flowers triggers happy emotions, heightens feelings of life satisfaction and affects social behavior in a positive manner far beyond what is normally believed.”
These are some pretty great benefits, that is why I love this idea for so many reasons.
Have a happy, low stress, sleep better, higher energy, smile more, breathe clearer, Valentine’s Day and get yourself some fresh flowers.
Remember this quote by Luther Burbank, “Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food, and medicine for the soul.”
3. Be proud of the person you are today because of the love you shared.
There’s a saying that most of us heard before that goes, “If you experience grief, it means you’ve experienced love.”
Recently I spoke to a widow in one of my groups. We were talking about what our relationships meant to us. She said that she would not have become the person that she did without the love of her husband. Despite the pain, despite watching him lose his life to cancer, despite the hurt she suffered in the last year, she was so thankful for experiencing that love in the first place. What a beautiful way to look at it!
Love shapes us into the person we are. And the thing is, that love still exists!
It lives on and will be with us forever. On Valentine’s Day we can still celebrate that love. We can take some time to acknowledge how the love of your spouse changed you and shaped you into the person you are today.
How did loving and knowing your loved one change you?
How did it mold you into who you are today?
You can take some time with this one. Use this as a journal prompt, grab your notebook and a pen, and start your list of how their love changed you.
This is a beautiful, healing way to connect with your loved one on this special day. Make this a day of focusing on the happy, peaceful, joyful memories. The ones that make you smile. The ones that fill your heart.
These are a few ways for you to treat yourself on this Valentine’s s Day and spend a day celebrating in different ways.
How will you be spending your Valentine’s Day? Do you have any big plans?
If you have any more ideas on how to spend Valentine’s Day, I would love to hear them!
Send them over to me via email at jen@widow180.com and I’ll post them in our Facebook group.
Join our Facebook group, Widow 180 The Community, here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/widow180
FREEBIE: Download the “How To Get Your Life Back Together After Loss: A 10 Step Checklist” HERE and start creating a new and beautiful future!
