2 Game-Changing Phrases That Should Be In Every Widow’s Vocabulary!
I saw this post on Facebook the other day:
“What I’ve learned is that you cannot escape your grief. You can try to drown it in distractions, kill it with your vices, or pretend like it isn’t even there, eventually, it will spring back out of its secret hiding place and demand you stand and face it.”
To which another community member responded: “The question is, how do we face it? I realize that I’m really good at finding distractions.”
And before I just jumped in and blurted out the first thing that came to mind, I wanted to give this question some serious thought.
Well, just this last week my ears totally perked up with something Dr. Linda Shanti said to me during our interview. Her words jumped out to me and I want them to reach YOU and sink in with you today.
It’s the phrase “Of course”
Linda said, “Of course. Of course you’re angry and sad. Of course you’re tearing things apart and putting things together all at the same time. Of course one minute you’re in a tsunami grief wave and the next moment you see a sign from your husband in a rainbow and you’re so excited. Of course.”
If you’re in that rocky, unstable emotional state, I want you to know: That’s normal! And you shouldn’t judge yourself for being there.
There are 2 phrases that have crossed my ears and eyes lately that, I think we can directly apply to the struggles that come up along the our path.
The first phrase was “Of course.” Of course.
The second phrase we need to know is “This is the part where I ___________”. This is the part where I ________________.
These two powerful phrases OF COURSE and THIS IS THE PART WHERE I…
combined can be gamechangers in your life and should be memorized and ingrained into your vocabulary.
And use them on the daily.
Use them when you need them.
Use them when you’re feeling lost.
These two phrases together can be used to first acknowledge and validate what you’re thinking and feeling and going through and second, to rally and uplift yourself when you need it.
Let’s think about this a little deeper:
When we’re grieving, we have a feeling of a total loss of control, right? Everything we know to be true and every part of the life that we knew is gone. We have absolutely no control over what has happened and what is happening. Our thoughts and feelings are out of control. Our reactions to our circumstances are unpredictable. We’re sad, then angry, then anxious then frustrated then depressed, all within minutes of each other.
We can’t get a grasp on our out of control emotions. We don’t even recognize who we are anymore. We are totally thrown off our game.
Maybe you are normally so logical and level-headed and grief and loss has thrown that off. And literally made us feel like we’ve completely lost our minds.
And then we try to escape the grief. We don’t like it. We don’t like this version of ourselves because this isn’t really ourselves, right? We turn to drinking to escape. We turn to other drugs to escape. Maybe we turn to food to cope with it. How many of you find yourself wandering into the kitchen to grab a snack in the middle of the night, because, Lord knows, you’re not sleeping at night. So, you mosey on into the kitchen to get a little snack. Or you pour that extra glass of wine to take the edge off. We use these damaging distractions to get us through or to push those thoughts and feelings away. To numb the pain.
But here’s where we can use these two phrases as a way to recognize and then rally.
For example, let’s say you’ve had an ok day. You’ve had a day where you actually made it through and didn’t cry. You had gone to work, you actually laughed when someone told a funny joke, you were going about your day not feeling too anxious, and then your wedding dance song comes on as you’re driving home that afternoon. And the sound of that song hits you like a bullet to the chest. And you start to spiral in the car. Off the rails again. Pushed back into the depths of the grief pit that you thought you were out of at least for today.
So, what if when you start to spiral, you acknowledge those thoughts and say OF COURSE! Of course I am going to hear that song and feel sad.
Of course I will hear that song and then feel angry that he’s not here to dance with me.
OF COURSE I am going to be upset by the memories of what I had that I don’t have anymore.
OF COURSE I am feeling anxious now because I’m remembering he’s gone and he’s never coming back.
Of course, I have every right to feel every feeling that I’m having right now. Grief is that gut punch that you weren’t expecting. Of course you’re going to get the wind knocked right out of you.
“Of course” is a phrase of validation.
It’s acknowledging our grief. It’s looking grief in the face, it’s facing it and saying, “Of course you’re here. Where else would you be?”
But here’s where the next phrase comes into play!
You come back with “This is the part where I (and then fill in the blank)”
Let’s take again our previous example, you’re driving home after having a decent day at work and you hear your wedding song come on. You recognize the thoughts and feelings and then say “This is the part where I rally.” This is the part where I call my best friend and not go for the glass of wine. This is the part where I step outside and go for a really long walk. This is the part where I give myself some grace for going through what I’ve been through. This is the part where I give myself permission to feel all of it. And it’s ok.”
AND, bigger picture, bigger scale, you can use this phrase to get that boost of empowerment.
This is the part where I get my power back!
This is the part where I start trusting myself and my decisions.
This is the part where I enroll in that class that I wanted to take.
This is the part where I turned myself around to take a step forward into my new life.
This is the part where my new life begins.”
THIS IS THE PART WHERE I (fill in the blank) with whatever you can dream of!
This is why these 2 phrases are so powerful!
OF COURSE and then THIS IS THE PART WHERE I.
We’re first validating our feelings because it’s perfectly normal to grieve the way you grieve, whatever that looks like for you. You’re human. This is what humans do. Of course it is!
And then you rally. And then you have your comeback. And you lift yourself up.
So, I want you to try these two phrases the next time you run into an unexpected grief gut punch again.
And I want to hear from you! I want to hear how it helps because I really think that these are some game-changing mindset moves to push you forward when you feel “grief stuck” .
Recognize and then Rally!
Recognize and then Rally!
Let me know how this goes for you!
Message me on Insta:
@widow_180
Join our Facebook group:
Widow 180 Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/312036956454927
Email me at jen@widow180.com
Don’t forget to check out the latest videos on YouTube at widow180: The Channel!
Here’s a clip of my interview with Linda Shanti!
https://youtu.be/1lm-uAcdEkk
Here’s the podcast interview with Linda!
https://widow180.libsyn.com/65-the-benefits-of-art-for-healing-advice-from-dr-linda-shanti-widow-therapist-artist-and-author
Please subscribe and tell a friend too. Someone you may know that needs to hear these things but maybe they don’t listen to podcasts. Tell them to check out the YouTube channel! That way they don’t miss any of the interviews or content.
