10 Tips Every Widow Needs To Know
Navigating life after loss can feel overwhelming, but every widow needs to know there is hope and healing on the other side of heartbreak.
Drawing from my own experience and the wisdom and personal journeys of the hundreds of widows I’ve interviewed on Widow 180: The Podcast, I’ve gathered 10 tips every widow needs to know, each designed to encourage self-compassion, practical action, and the rediscovery of joy in this next chapter. Whether you’re just beginning the journey or seeking new ways to honor your healing, these tips offer guidance and inspiration rooted in real experience.
1. Honor Your Grief
Every journey is different. Give yourself permission to feel it all—there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Especially when you are new to widowhood, you will get advice from others. They have their own experience with grief, but everyone is different. What worked for them may not work for you. It doesn’t mean that you’re doing it wrong, you’re just doing it your way! Grieving is a process. It is a journey.
2. Find Your Identity
So much of healing after losing your spouse involves reimagining a new life for yourself. You have to figure out who you are now, as a person who is now on their own. You may feel lost and looking to find purpose and meaning in your life. You have to be self-aware and revisit your values again. That means asking important questions like : What matters to me now? What do I care about? What do I want my future to look like? Give yourself some time to rediscover who you are.
3. Small Goals Matter
Setting tiny goals—like getting outside or trying something new—brings confidence, hope and motivation for the next step. You can set big goals, too. There’s nothing wrong with that. But, moving through grief requires taking baby steps to get through it. The more you accomplish, the more confidence you gain. Set small goals, like: I just need to shower today. That might be the most effort you can put out in a day! And that’s okay. Your next goal could be: I think I”ll try to cook a real meal for myself tonight. Small goals. Small steps. Everything counts!
4. Let Go Of Guilt
Feelings like shame or guilt are normal, especially around big decisions. Give yourself grace for every choice. You may feel guilt for several reasons. Things you feel like you should have done or said. Working through guilt is a process. Remember, there is only so much that is in your control. You can’t control the past or the future or what other people have said or done. Let go of guilt over the things you don’t have control over.
5. Listen To Yourself
Trust your intuition over outside noise. Only you know when you’re ready for each next chapter. It is so important to trust your instincts and listen to that tiny, small voice, that whisper in your head and heart that is guiding you through this difficult time. Maybe this is the small voice that you usually ignore, but NOW is the time to pay attention to it. Your intuition has the ability to give you the confidence to move forward.
6. Seek Support
Finding the right support matters. Whether friends, therapy, or coaching, do what actually helps you heal. There are many means of support out there if you need it. You may find that traditional therapy is the best answer for you. You may find prayer or church groups offer the best support for you. You may find other widow groups where you can relate to everyone in the room. Don’t forget about pets! Your furry friends can offer so much love and support at this difficult time. Lean into who supports you the best.
7. Grief Triggers Happen
Triggers will happen out of nowhere. This is to be expected. It can be when you see someone you haven’t seen in a while and they remind you of your spouse in some way. It can be in the form of a song you hear that brings you to tears. It can happen when you least expect it. It can happen even years later. If this is your experience, that’s normal! You’re normal. There’s nothing wrong with you if you still get upset or teary over a grief trigger years later. You’re human. And this is heartbreak. It doesn’t just go away. When these grief bombs happen, just let them pass. Cry if you need to. Be sad when they happen. Let the sadness pass through you. This moment shall pass.
8. Practice Self-Care
Run, write, travel, or simply rest. Nourish your soul in the way that feels best now. Listen to Widow 180 The podcast to get some ideas from other widows who have been down this path before. They’ve been there! Listen to their advice. They have so many stories on the podcast of what they have turned to for help, who they turned to for help. Trying new things and figuring out what will help you get through this, and your self-care may look completely different from somebody else’s. For example, some people choose running as a form of therapy, they choose to run marathons. Others choose art or writing. Do what you love. And always choose healthy grief distractions.
9. Don’t Compare Journeys
Everyone moves forward at their own pace. Don’t measure your progress by someone else’s. It’s easy to fall into this comparison trap and think they other people are further along than you. You start to wonder if you should be better by now. You start to doubt if you will ever feel better again. You fall into the negative self-talk trap and make yourself feel inadequate and shameful for not “getting over it” fast enough. This is not a race! You do not need to compare yourself to anyone else. Embrace your own pace on how you move through this experience.
10. Lower Expectations
We have so much pressure to do everything and to be everything for everyone. When you lose your spouse you then take on all of the roles that they did around the house, whether that involves parenting, helping fix things around the house, finances, everything now falls onto your shoulders and it’s a lot, often times too much for one person to tackle, all while trying to find your footing and grieve the loss. Lower your expectations of yourself. You’re doing the best you can.
As you navigate life after loss, remember that being gentle with yourself and listening to your own heart should always come first. Remember, there is no universal timeline or set of rules for healing, and every widow’s journey is deeply personal. Whether it’s taking small steps toward self-care, finding the right support network, pursuing goals of your own, or giving yourself permission to seek new joy, trust that honoring your unique path is not only okay—it’s essential. Allow yourself grace, let go of outside expectations. It is possible to rediscover hope, love, and even adventure in the chapters ahead! Whatever choices you make, let them be rooted in self-compassion and the confidence that you can, and will, keep moving forward.
If you need more support in widowhood, I encourage you to get our downloadable workbooks in the Widow 180 Workbook Series, covering topics from new widowhood to dating again!
Go to https://www.widow180.com/workbooks to get more information, start transforming your life and stepping into your next chapter today!
For real, honest talk on widowhood and stories of inspiration and hope, check out Widow 180: The Podcast here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2166101
