6 Things I’ve Learned From Interviewing 50 Widows!
Happy birthday to Widow 180: The Podcast! I cannot believe it’s been a year! Widow 180: The Podcast turns 1 year old today!
I started this podcast with the intent of putting out inspiring stories of growth and transformation from other widows, all ages, all backgrounds, all across the world, some of them moms, some not. This was my mission and of course is still my mission today, and I believe I have succeeded. The stories of hope and purpose and triumph, the examples of those incredible women who have walked the grief path before me and taught me that there is life after loss. Not just living, not just existing, but feeling alive again!
Those “widow success” stories are what we need sometimes to open our eyes up to what’s possible.
And I hope that you are seeing what’s possible for YOU and what YOUR future can look like.
So, what are the commonalities in all of these “widow success” stories?
Well, I’m about to share that with you today! The following is a list of some of the things I’ve learned from interviewing 50 widows for the podcast!
1. All of these women put in the time and effort to grieve. I say effort, because it is work. It is energy and focus. You HAVE to hurt in order to heal. Without pain and despair, we have no context for joy and happiness.
None of these women cruised through anything with ease.
They suffered, like you’ve suffered. It’s an incomparable pain, the pain of loss. You don’t know it until you know it. and I never fully understood that when a person suffers such severe emotional hurt, what follows is the lack of ability to physically hurt. It’s like the emotional hurt drains the body of the ability to physically hurt. Your body just goes numb.
We’ve all felt that.
All of these women allowed themselves, gave themselves the opportunity to feel all of the feelings and think all the thoughts and allowed themselves to fully grieve.
2. Every widow that I talked to started with the belief that they could see a different life for themselves. Grief can keep us stuck, for how long, we have no idea. Everyone processes loss at their own pace. But there comes a point when we push through it.
We have an awakening per se, sometimes slowly, but still an awakening to a belief that we will survive this.
For me, part of my journaling that I did was to write down little “beliefs” that came across or thought of every day. I looked back in my journal and I have hundreds of these written down. Hundreds! Here’s a few that I wrote….
Believe in this breathtaking adventure called life.
Believe in being passionately curious.
Believe in the power of perspective.
I think I wrote at least one every day in my journal. I had to start with the belief. We all do when we’re healing. You have no idea what that new life will look like. You have no idea HOW you’re gonna get there. But, you start with the BELIEF that a new life is possible for you.
3. Every person I interviewed found something to be passionate about. They found a purpose. They found a way to feel alive again.
Whether it was going back to school to finally get that degree they always wanted. Or starting a new business like Tricia Shyver from episode 15. Tricia had always dreamed of having her own business and she decided to combine her love of natural and organic products with baby and kids merchandise and open a new business called Naturaleigh Baby Boutique. Or Kristen Kirk who wanted the freedom to have a business and be home with her son. She opened her online boutique called Babes On a Budget. You can hear her story on episode 21.
Some of the women I interviewed decided to become a widow coaches or life coaches in order to serve others with the things they had learned along the way. Like Petra Gordon from episode 13, who became an author AND a widow coach. You should definitely listen to her interview, she is so inspiring! I just love her attitude and her energy!
Every person I talked to found what they loved and poured themselves into it whole-heartedly.
It might start really small….a little whisper, a little voice inside, nudging you in a certain direction. Maybe you have a dream about something then brush it off. Maybe you ignore it at first, or try not to pay attention to it, but that idea keeps popping up.
Once you do find it, your purpose, your passion, grab hold of it, and see where it takes you!
So, what is that for you? What gives you that feeling? What lights you up? What ignites a fire in your heart that makes you feel unstoppable?
4. All of these women found a strength and courage in themselves that they never knew existed! I want to start this lesson #4 about strength with a quote that I love. it goes like this “The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us, but those who win battles we know nothing about.”
I love this. I love this because every widow is fighting their own internal battle.
Every. Single. Day.
And we can’t always see it from the outside. It’s deceiving to those who haven’t been through what we have. It’s the battles within each of us that are happening and no one even knows it. “The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us, but those who win battles we know nothing about.”
5. Nobody grieved alone. Most of the widows I talked to had at least one person to help them through this time in their life. A few of them did have just one person, but NONE of them were alone on their grief journey.
I did a blog post on this last July and here’s part of what I wrote: “Never underestimate the power of solidarity. Having a community makes us feel accepted and understood. And I feel like one of the most important parts of grief recovery is to have our feelings validated by others who are sharing the same experience that we are. They share the struggles, the fears, the worries.
And sometimes we just need to validate our feelings because these are feelings we’ve never had to deal with before.
Like, one day I want all my friends over because I don’t want to be alone, but later that same day I WISH everyone would just leave me alone. It’s an up and down mind game that can make you feel like you’re going insane. But Grief is a shared human experience. This is what helps us get through it.”
Community is so important, not because misery loves company, but because we have that ability that power to lift others up and be uplifted when we need it too.
Kathryn Monaco Douglas was my podcast guest on episode 35 and you can go back and hear her story how after her husband passed away, she started a bereavement group called Widowed Not Alone. It’s all about the power of support from others who understand what we’re going through and it’s something we all need.
6. In so many of the stories that I hear, I see meaningful coincidences or synchronicities that can’t be explained.
Here’s a quote on this that I want to share by Charles deLint. it says: “ I do believe in an everyday sort of magic- the inexplicable connectedness we sometimes experience with places, people, works of art and the like; the eerie appropriateness of moments of synchronicity; the whispered voice, the hidden presence, when we think we’re not alone.”
When we talk about synchronicity and meaningful coincidences, I can’t help but think about Viki Brown. If you haven’t listened to that episode it was episode 39 . Viki heard, felt, sensed a calling to start a non-profit grief center for children and families in her city. She only had to mention it to a couple of people and every door opened faster than she could keep up with to get this center open. The property was donated within the first month. Someone stepped in to volunteer their time to put together the legal contracts. It all unfolded so quickly. She told me in the interview that “My husband died so that I would become a widow.” She became a widow so that this much-needed grief center would open and help so many other people.
And then there was Jocelyne Baker-Johnson who I interviewed in episode 40. She went to a fundraising event, showed up late, all by herself, and by chance or by fate or the synchronicity of the universe, came across an organization that sold jewelry made by Ugandan widows, that raised money to help them and their families. Jocelyne was moved to tears and felt such a calling to be a part of this. That led to Jocelyne moving her family to Africa for a year to volunteer for the organization.
And one more story about synchronicity, from a personal standpoint. I started the podcast a year ago TODAY!, And I know I’ve said this before but I am the least tech savvy person on the planet. What happens is, When you register a new podcast, you have to submit it to iTunes and then wait for approval.
It’s a whole process.
And I had started in early July 2020. I submitted what I thought was everything I needed to iTunes and they say wait 3-5 days to see your first episode post.
So I did.
And I waited.
And nothing.
THEN I found out I had to submit something else, so I then did that and I then waited AGAIN. 3, 4, then FINALLY on the 5th day the first episode posted.
Guess what day that was?
It just so happened to be Brent’s birthday. July 23. Coincidence? I think not!
The sun, moon, and stars aligned and fate and destiny posted that first podcast episode on that specific, VERY meaningful day, I think, to show me that I was doing the right thing. That he’s still here with me on this journey. Watching over me. Cheering me on. And I hope I’m making him proud with the things I’m doing.
So, I just listed 6 of the things I’ve learned when actually there are so many more. Too many to list.
With every episode, I learn something.
I am so grateful that I’ve had this opportunity to do the podcast this year. I look forward to interviewing more of you incredible, strong, resilient souls.
I talked about the importance of community and if you haven’t already, please join our free Facebook group at:
