One Thing You Can Do In 2021 To Be Happier
2021 is here!
What are you plans for this new year? Have you thought at all about what you want? Or what you want to change? Or how you can improve in some way? How can we be happier?
This last question is the one that comes up the most. How can we be happy?
I believe your happiness starts with YOU, of course.
Here is 1 way we can all improve our level of satisfaction:
ASK BETTER QUESTIONS (AND MAKE BETTER STATEMENTS)
Let’s start with asking yourself a question: Who do I think I am?
They say the 2 most powerful words in the English language are “I am”. Whatever you put after that, however you finish that sentence, determines your destiny. You will become what you say. You will take actions based on how you define yourself. For example, let’s say you want to quit smoking. You started smoking again after your husband passed away. It’s a way for you to handle stress. It’s a coping mechanism, and not a good one. It’s a crutch. If you say the words “I am a smoker” then you identify with those words. You are priming yourself for that bad behavior.
Let’s think of some statements we tend to make.
“I am unable to make decisions on my own.” We can easily change that to “I am capable of making the tough decisions.”
“I am” is an extremely powerful statement.
Jim Kwik, author of the bestselling book, Limitless, says “The highest drive that we have is to act consistently with how we perceive ourselves. It is one of the most powerful forces in the universe.”
We can also tell ourselves “I am not a victim.” Un-identifying with a title has the same effect.
The best news about all of this is, WE HAVE THE POWER to define ourselves.
So, who are you?
It’s not just a matter of questioning who we are or defining who we are.
As widows, we also tend to ask ourselves some ridiculously difficult questions that trap us in negative thought. But simply re-wording our questions can cause a complete shift in attitude.
For example, a question I used to get stuck on all the time was “How can I possibly do that?” or “How can I possibly do that by myself?”
Instead, we can change it to “How can I make that happen?”
Here’s another doozy:
“Why did this happen to me?”
We need to ask instead “What steps do I need to take to move forward?” or “What can I take away from this experience?” or “What lessons can I learn from this?'“
These new questions have us focusing on the future and not getting stuck in the past.
Here’s one more example of a question I used to ask myself all the time. It’s a question that, like most of my thoughts, was negative and limiting and chock full of self-doubt. This question gave me such a blow to my confidence, it literally left me paralyzed when it came to making decisions. The question was:
“Who am I to think that_________” (fill in the blank)
“Who am I to think that I can take my child on vacation by myself?” or “Who am I to think that I can fix the kitchen sink?” However I finished that sentence, it didn’t matter what it was, I was drowning in negative thought.
I had to put an end to the self-doubt. I stopped. Instead I would say “I’m the mom. I am THE BEST person to take my daughter to see the world.” And I would say “I am the owner of this house. I am THE BEST person to do this job and fix the sink.”
Easier said than done, you say? Try it! Change your words! Switch the questions! Point yourself in a more positive direction than the one you were going!
Other better questions to ask?
Let’s say, you’re faced with something that you’re questioning, like, you’ve been invited to your cousin’s wedding and you’re contemplating going. You feel bad saying no and skipping it. You’re also not in the best frame of mind to be surrounded by happy couples when your husband has passed away. Totally understandable dilemma, right?
Ask yourself these questions:
Is this giving me more energy?
Is it uplifting me?
Is it raising my spirits?
Is it fulfilling me?
If you can’t answer YES to these questions, then JUST SAY NO and don’t feel obligated to do something you feel iffy about.
For weekly tips and widow advice, sign up below to get our emails!
You can also join us on Facebook at Widow 180 Community!
