One of the hardest parts of losing a spouse is facing the belongings they’ve left behind. Every item—a shirt, a book, a coffee mug—carries a memory, and deciding what to keep, donate, or let go of can feel overwhelming. It’s not just about organizing possessions; it’s about navigating love, grief, and the story of your life together. There’s no right or wrong timeline for this process, but there are some steps you can take when you’re ready to begin.

Practical Steps for Going Through Your Spouse’s Belongings

Distribute items mentioned in the will

Did your loved one have a will? First and foremost, make sure you follow through with their wishes. Anything mentioned in your loved one's will or covered in probate needs to be distributed to the new owner.

Deciding What to Keep or Pass Down

2. Offer other items to friends and family

If there are items that you don't want you may choose to give them away. you may find that other friends and family members would really love to have certain items left behind by your loved one, especially if it’s something meaningful to both parties.

After my husband passed a way, I chose to go through his ties, the ones that he really loved that he wore to work on a regular basis, and I gave them to his best friends. I know that they loved and appreciated this gesture. I know that they think of him every time they look at and wear his ties. It's a special memory and something that ties them and keeps them close, literally.

3. Sell any unwanted valuables

If your loved one had valuables that you or others don't want to keep, you may want to consider selling them. You will have to take the time and energy to sell items one by one, if that is your choice. Pricing items can be very time-consuming, but often worth it when it comes to getting the best price for an item. Big ticket items, like tools or hunting/fishing gear, can bring in some extra money if you are in need of some financial assistance. Do your research. Check out sites like Facebook Marketplace that make selling items locally a lot easier for consumers and sellers.

Consider Donating to Charities That Matter

4. Donate useful items

There may be some things that you have no interest in keeping. Go ahead and donate those items. Someone out there will get good use out of those things. There were many items that we donated, but there are also specific organizations that take items for niche uses.

For example, we gave my husband’s work dress pants to an organization that helps men who are entering the work force and they need dressier clothing items to wear to work. You can find organizations like these to donate to, for both men and women. You can also check with organizations like Boy Scouts of America to see if they can pick up any unwanted items you have.

5. Throw away anything that's remaining

Finally, throw away anything else that you don’t want to sell, keep, or donate. This can be an especially emotional time. Throwing away your loved one’s belongings may bring up feelings of guilt and shame. You know your loved ones belongings were special to them. They may have had an extensive collection of seashells or an array of coffee mugs that meant a lot to them. But, if those things are not special to you and they’re just taking up space in your home, you may want to throw them out. And that’s okay!

There’s an amount of guilt that rises when you start down this path. But, you have to weigh out what is best for you now.

What is best for you in your new living space and environment?

That may not include your spouse’s button collection from when they were little. If there is a lot of extra stuff to get rid of, you may want to consider calling a junk removal service. This could save you a ton of time in the long run.

How to Ask for Support When You Need It

6. Work With An Estate Planner

Going through so many personal possessions is daunting. Finding the right pricing strategy for certain items is also very time-consuming. It requires time and a lot of thought and effort. When you’re grieving, it’s sometimes difficult to pay attention to small details that can make a big difference in how you handle a sales transaction. Enlisting the help of an estate planner might be just the help you need to get through this difficult process.

In Conclusion

Sorting through your spouse’s possessions is an emotional journey, but it can also be a healing one. Each decision you make is an act of honoring your past while making space for your future. Remember, you don’t have to do it all at once. Take your time with this step if you need to. There’s no rush. Allow yourself grace, take breaks when needed, and trust that you’ll know when it feels right to hold on and when it feels right to let go.

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What to Do With Your Spouse’s Things After They Pass Away